Are You in an Abusive Relationship With Food?
Listening to people talk about food can easily be misunderstood as listening to someone talk about a relationship with a significant other.
Cookie Monster Knows Exactly What He Wants From Food!
People use many of the same words when they describe how they deal with food and with people.
We talk about struggling with ‘balance’ and indulgence, and becoming anti social and letting other people influence us too much.
We talk about the emotional attachment becoming too much and dependency building to the point where we depend on the food (or the other person) for our source of happiness and fulfillment.
We expect food and a special diet or way of eating to do too much and are constantly let down when it doesn’t produce. This is no different than placing too much expectation on a relationship or another person close to you who simply cannot be your sole source of support and happiness.
I think part of the problem we have with food is a lack of self reliance and other forms of support.
If you listen to someone who is struggling with weight they will talk about food as if they are in an abusive relationship.
They’ll talk about struggling on a daily basis to do ‘what is right’ and feel guilty and terrible about themselves for each time they ‘cheat’ or make the ‘wrong choice’.
This is simply way to much pressure to put yourself under, and this is partly the fault of clever diet/nutrition/food/fitness marketers using scaremongering and marketing speak to create a culture of fear and ‘risk’ associated with the ‘wrong’ foods and the ‘wrong way to eat’
In short, you might be caught in an abusive relationship with food. Where it’s almost impossible for you to do anything right.
Are carbs good or bad? Is fat good or bad? What kind of fat? How much protein do you really need? What about Glycemic Index? Meal timing? Is breakfast really that important? Are you a terrible person for talking someone else into eating a few french fries with you on a night out? Are they a terrible person for getting you to eat some ice cream when you were trying to be ‘good’?
Can you imagine if this were the pressures that a relationship placed on you? It would be miserable and impossible.
To be faced with dozens of rules on a daily basis that defined if you were a ‘good person’ or not.
I think we all need to step back from food and see it for what it is. FOOD. Let’s stop giving food power over us that it doesn’t deserve.
Eat what you like, and try to eat a bit less of it if you want to lose weight.
Describe your relationship with food in the comment section (if you like)
I’ll start:
I freakin’ love food. All kinds of food. I haven’t yet met a food that I don’t get along with famously. I would be totally upset if I couldn’t appreciate and eat all the foods I love. Every now and then we party really hard while watching the game (chicken wings, pizza, beer, burgers and such on the weekends at the pub), but we get back to normal the next day and I never regret the parties. I also super appreciate it during holiday and family dinners (we party pretty hard at these events too)
I don’t miss it when it’s gone for a short while (fasting), and I appreciate it when its around in all of it’s tasty forms.
John
15 Responses to “Are You in an Abusive Relationship With Food?”
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January 6th, 2010 at 12:56 pm
I love food, I love to eat, but I’ve simply eaten more than my body needs. For me, I think a lot of this stuff is simply bad habits. Other people may have emotional/ psychological issues that are complicating their relationship with food, and/or their efforts at weight loss. Or perhaps “ideological” issues, as John has pointed out. We all have to look within ourselves and figure it out. But I don’t see too much of that with me. Boredom may play a part, but I don’t think it’s the main part. I just think that I’ve developed some really bad habits that have caused me to eat more food than my body needs. So I think my relationship with food, up until now, could be best described as sloppy, clumsy, habitual.
January 6th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Nicely put–we do seem to personify our relationship to food. I’m a fan of you, Rachel Cosgrove, Caleb Lee, and Brad Pilon, mainly because there is sensible reasoning behind your methods. I especially appreciate that you all have your differences in terms of your approach, and this solidifies the idea that “every body is different.”
You know, the other night I devoured a dark chocolate bar. I felt “bad” for a while but then reminded myself that tomorrow was another day, and in the course of a week, that chocolate bar won’t make or break me. Eating one every day, however….
Keep up the good work!
January 6th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
I think that I truly have an addictive nature to food. I’ll gorge on junk such as pizza etc then feel bad afterward. The problem is, as of late, I don’t normalize the next day and have kept doing it over and over. And the weight has exploded. I’m at a loss right now.
January 6th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Hi Chad,
Well if you’re lost, you have to start somewhere. Here is my advice. Don’t just wake up tomorrow and say “I’m going to lose weight”. It’s just not that easy. I would suggest you take a few days to figure exactly out what it is you’re doing now. Spend a few days (even a week) eating exactly as you are now, but write down everything (I’m not talking about # of calories, I’m talking about number of meals & servings, types of food, proportions, etc.). When you actually look back after a few days of recording it, you’ll probably be surprised at how much you are eating, and how often. You probably eat sometimes and don’t even realize it, or just because it’s there, and you more than likely eat more often than you think. My guess is you’ll be shocked.
Once you have that sorted out, there are two ways to reduce your eating. Either by consciously eating less frequently, or by consciously cutting down your portion sizes (or a combination of the two). Keep recording what you eat as you are consciously cutting down, so you can compare. You used the term “addictive”. That is a good term because it means you feel like you can’t stop. The good news is, you don’t have to stop (such as an alcoholic). You just have to reduce. Writing everything down, and staying conscious for a few weeks will help, and you’ll quickly realize you don’t ‘need’ the amount of food you’re eating. You’ll also realize that you will soon become used to eating less. I would also recommend adding one weekly 24 hour fast, once you get going. Try these suggestions and I guarantee the pounds will fall off. Good luck!
January 6th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
I always took to the notion that it was about portion control. Fitness guru Denise Austin’s been talking about that for years. Not to mention that it seems like the french eat what ever they want whenever they want, just in small portions.
January 7th, 2010 at 12:38 am
I have pretty good self-control when it comes to food. Every once in a while, I get cravings and I cave in and eat a package of Oreos or something. Luckily, I’m young, fit and an exercise zealot, so I can handle the excess calories pretty well. But most of the time, I follow the Empowered Nutrition diets to the letter.
January 7th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
I’m on my fourth day of portion control and it’s going well. Honestly, I didn’t think I could do it. I thought that totally abstaining from certain foods was the only way I could eat less. I didn’t think I could eat the same foods, but less of it. I doubted that I would ever have the discipline to make this very simple change. So far so good!
My strategy is “No Grazing.” I tend to eat a plate of food, and then go back into the kitchen and eat more while standing around. Or I’ll snack in the kitchen in between meals. Now I’m only eating in my room. No kitchen “grazing” or snacking. I eat the plate of food and that’s it. Done. No more food. No snacking. I haven’t actually lost weight since Monday- not that I would expect something dramatic in just a few days- but it’s great to know that I can do this. I’d like to believe that success builds upon success. Seems logical.
January 7th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
No Seconds (no more than a plate of food at one time, 3 meals a day) + Eat Stop Eat = a plan that can work for the long run. I like it! I can see myself using this. Thanks!
January 7th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Al, I hope it works!
I just started it, so I’m hoping for the best. I’m certainly eating less and breaking bad habits, those are the two things I want right now. Weight loss should follow….
January 8th, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Jordan,
This is basically the approach that I took to food in September 09. I’ve lost 20 lbs. since then, and that time period included a 10 day vacation with my wife where we pretty much ate anything we wanted and all the holiday feasting (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.)
Before I starting living this lifestyle, I thought that I needed to eat 5-6 times/day and I was crabby if i went 6-7 hours hours without food. I also didn’t make the healthiest eating choices when I did choose to eat. Like you, I thought that to lose weight I would have to give up my favorite foods (chocolate!) and I was unwilling to do that. I ENJOY eating and couldn’t suffer the thought of giving up my favs!
But through the ESE lifestyle promoted by Brad Pilon and other nutritional advice from John Barban, I’ve had a total transformation in my thinking about food. I don’t crave it like I used to, I eat what is necessary, and I can go a whole 24 hours without eating and not get crabby! I’m thankful for Brad and John and the hard work that they’ve done and shared with us!
January 9th, 2010 at 12:04 am
Amen Jonathan. I feel the same way. I am just coming off a Christmas break of about 2 weeks and I enjoyed all the meals, all the wine and beer
, christmas cookies, etc and am the same weight I was before. I incorporated ESE as prescribed. And I visited John B’s blog daily for reinforcement. It really has changed everything for me.
January 9th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Sounds good, Jonathan and Chris! I’m very much looking forward to similar success. I’ve been eating this way since Monday, so I know I can stick with it. This hasn’t been hard at all. Now all I need is patience! I need to lose ~70 pounds, and I’ve been stagnant for so many years, so I’m pretty anxious to get this over with. It’s hard to wait to get rid of all this excess fat.
January 10th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
Hang in there Jordan. I lost around 85 pounds around 12 yrs ago. I have been through many ‘phases’: vegetarian, vegan, then low carb, then paleo….
” And work in some ESE days, and that weight will fall off. I’m pulling for you! – Chris
They all seemed like I was gaming the system and wasn’t dealing with the real monster, which was lack of discipline and feeling entitled to eat tons of whatever I wanted because I survived a day at work or something like that. I stumbled across Eat Stop Eat, tried it,and it worked. Then I came across John B’s site and it was another fountain of information. John Barban and Brad Pilon’s advice runs counter to just about anything you hear. So it’s a leap of faith, but they know what they are doing and live what they are saying. Keep telling yourself “it’s the amount, it’s the amount, it’s the amount
January 11th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Thank you for the words of encouragement, Chris. I think that the main strength of these various diets is that they reduce or eliminate various high calorie foods, and that creates the calorie deficit. Low carb eliminates sugary and starchy foods, Paleo eliminates sugar, grains, processed foods, and junk food, low fat eliminates beef, pork, cheese, butter, and high-fat junk food. It’s all about reducing calories from high calorie foods. That’s my struggle right now. I’ve definitely been eating less recently, but I haven’t gotten over the hump. I’ve even gone down to two meals per day, but I can pack in a lot of calories from two meals! I’m still getting too many calories from high calorie foods like beef, pork, cheese, Italian food, a modest amount of desserts (I have been better with desserts.) I need to keep working on reducing the total amount of calories from these foods. It will take some trial and error to find the right amount of food to create a sustainable, doable calorie deficit. I don’t want some drastic short-term scheme.
As for IF’s, I’ll add them in soon. At first I didn’t want to because when I tried to do this in the past, I would just overeat the rest of the time, nullifying the caloric deficit from the IF. Over the last month or so, I’ve been working on not eating enormous meals like I used to, and I’ve been pretty successful with that. They’re still too high in calories, but not insanely big anymore. So I think I can IF now without too much over-compensation.
“It’s the amount, it’s the amount, it’s the amount,” that’s a good reminder. I like to take notes of my thoughts on what I need to do, and use them as reminders. I’ll look over them while I’m watching TV. My favorite reminder is “Focus on the Deficit!” Simple enough, lol.
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:25 am
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